Covenantal Love

Two issues that weigh on my heart and therefore in my prayers more than not, have something in common covenant.  Covenant as most know is God’s promise, it cannot and will not ever be broken as God is not a liar. It is not like a human contract, but wholey other than, it is a covenant.  It is perfect.  Humans can break covenant, but God being God cannot.  It would violate who He is and thus He would not be God.  If he says something or YES to something, He never goes back on it. He never changes His mind.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever, His word is true.  He swears by Himself when covenant is involved.  That is, Truth swears that something is true!  I can’t fathom that.

The two issues that have been heavily placed upon my weak heart are covenants of marriage with humans and Isreal.

The first, is such an amazing topic.   I am in love with my wife Krista, she is the most amazing woman I have ever known, we have found much confidence and strength in our covenant before Jesus.  When times are tough, or we go through valleys like every couple does, we know we are in it forever, no matter what.  Our kids can have peace knowing that thier mommy and daddy will be together, because Jesus is in this covenant with us.  They will learn to believe and know as we do, that He is the backing behind this promise  We know that because it is His covenant of marriage that we have entered into, he will give us all that we need to see it through IN FULLNESS, not begrudingly till death do us part…But joyfully and vibrantly growing in love for each other….It is ONLY by His grace.

This issue is at the core of family, because without a man and woman in marriage, there can be no offsping, no family.  God designed one man and one female to be in covenental marriage.  Not contract.  He designed it this way because we are made in His image, so He expects (by HIS GRACE alone) that we enter a covenant relationship as He gives to us.  Once again, we see His heart is to partner with us and He desires us to love Him the way He loves us. In another words, marriage is forever (since we become one flesh, it ends when we die, my wife is NOT stoked about this she’ll get over it when she sees Jesus in His fullness) it is a spiritual, physical reality that is designed to last our whole lives on earth.  Since it is core to family and His family, it is also one that is under most spiritual attack from the enemy.

Covenant is also something satan wants to stop at all costs.  If satan can break up the family unit, it is very hard for the hearts to be turned to the fathers and the fathers hearts to be turned to the children.  Without parents (2) children have a really hard time understanding who thier father in heaven is.  Not impossible , just really hard.  Since, Jesus will come back right before this reality happens, satan will try to avoid this, as he does NOT want to go to prison for 1k years, then to the lake of fire after that.  He will do anything to avoid this.

The other covenant that has marked me is God’s covenant He made and will keep (that is still in existance today) with His firstborn people Isreal.  Unfortunatley, some in the church believe that the Gentile church has replaced Isreal, but the scriptures are clear (Romans 9-11 is a good summary) that these promises are for Isreal alone (and we as the gentile church have simply been adopted or grafted into these promises).  Although we are all ONE body in Christ, there are some in fact that ONLY pertain to Isreal, not even the Gentile church.  In regards to Isreal being His chosen nation to return them to thier God given land, to make them a praise in the nations, they will be His kingdom of priests, a blessing to lead the nations.

Many outside the church and even within question these promises.  Outside the church anti-semitism has risen in the past and is even more real today wanting Isreal out of the picture.  Seeing them as a hinderance to peace in the middle east.  Wanting her to comprimise to get a long with the nations around her.  Not realizing what God has said and feels about this.  In MOST cases the secular world has no clue they are fighting against God with their intellectual ideals of what would bring peace or what would be best, etc.  It’s because they don’t know God and don’t know His covenants, His promises He made and will keep to Isreal.  It doesn’t mean He is in agreement with Isreal and thier government.  It doesn’t mean Isreal is better than and can do what they want.  It means that God chose them. Period.

Let’s get back to Isreal being a place where compromise is also evident in the church today.  Some believing that Isreal has been replaced in these promises by the church.  Paul addressed this in Romans when the Jews were exiled out of Rome as they also, at that time, thought the church had replaced Isreal.  Paul culminated his letter in Romans 11 with the truth that the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable (please read Romans 11 if this is new to you).  He has not divorced, nor forgotten His promises to Isreal.  He will see them through.  Isreal is not only where Jesus will stand for and with when He comes back, but it is where Jesus has chosen to rule and reign from forever once He takes over this planet.  Why did He choose it?  I guess from other scriptures you can induce a bunch of reasons, the only real reason that gives me peace is…He chose Isreal, because He wanted to.  He shows mercy upon who He shows mercy on.  Now they are locked into the fiery desire that only the Godhead can posess.  That only a jealous Bridegroom can feel and yearn for.

Yet again, satan seeing this covenant, knowing that Jesus said “you will not see me again until you say to me (Isreal (spiritual/governmental leaders of Isreal) Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord”.  In another words Jesus isn’t coming back to the planet until Isreal confesses this.  So satan’s plan at all costs is to stop this at any cost.  Anti-semitism is and has proven to be the primary demonic tool.  The other has been to deceive His firstborn.  Lastly, Jesus Himself has covered thier eyes because of the hardness of thier hearts.  Nevertheless, Jesus will come back.  He will have His way in the hearts of the Jewish people.  He will win them with His love.  Now if their fall is riches for the world, and their failure riches for the Gentiles, how much more their fullness! (rom 11:12).

We (Isreal and the church) are brothers in One family.  We need Isreal to fulfill her destiny so that the world is blessed into the fullness that was intended by God as only Isreal can do.  We need Isreal to call upon Jesus, so He can come back and so our part is to provoke them to jealousy to see who she is in Him.  That our God Jesus, is the same God thier fathers knew.  They are thier covenants, we are grafted in and grateful to be so.  They will understand it’s not converting to Christianity, but the fulfillment of the law and the prophets.  The good news is they are still Jews.  Jews that have accepted thier Messiah.  This is when they will be born again from death to life just as we gentiles who by His grace have been saved.  Interesting side note…Abraham, who was before the law, wasn’t under the law (Hebrews speaks of this) He was called righteous by His faith (ultimately in Jesus or the coming one).

So both marriage and Isreal are two covenants made with and before God.  Both can be tainted by man, but NEITHER can be broken by God.  Jesus has great zeal and jealousy for both covenants.  It will just depend on the human hearts involved who will agree with Him and be a part of that promise.  Satan will be thrown into prison and the lake of fire.  He will be defeated forever, while God’s covenants, the very one’s satan was so desperately working to destroy, will live on in His people forever.  In Revelation 4 , we see that the Father sits on His throne and around Him is an emerald rainbow…He allows us, even in ALL His glory to see and relate to us in mercy.  There is no God like our God, not one more powerful, true and righteous.  Come Lord Jesus come.  Turn the hearts of the Fathers to the children, the hearts of the children to the fathers.  Start with Israeal.  Use your gentile church to help them to see who you are.  Thank you that we will be One body, One family forever, preferring one over the other in true love and unity.  Come Jesus, have you way!

Daddy part 2-on this rock I will build My church

Before I knew Jesus, I was a very confident outgoing person.  I had many friends, was well liked by my estimation and others bearing witness to that   I liked making people laugh (still do) and was pretty decent at doing so.  I would go into a room and feel pretty important, well liked, respected, loved. I would have considered myself extremely confident in who I was and I believe others would have known it.  I was a personality that was known, rather than not and in most cases desired to be around.  Trying to be honest rather than overestimate my past self.  Not an easy thing to do I am finding as I am writing.  Anyway, all that to say…after I gave my life to Jesus as my Lord, my Father, my best friend, my bridegroom, my all in all…EVERYTHING literally changed. 

Somethings changed literally overnight by the power of His love and deliverance by Holy Spirit.  Somethings in my walk have taken some time.  His timing is perfect, so I am good with that.  Anyway, we moved out to Kansas City, MO to IHOP (international house of prayer) about 4 1/2 years ago.  We knew no one, which wasn’t that big of a deal as God has made Krista and I pretty transient and we look at that mostly as more of an opportunity than an issue.  Although, I will say some communities are so in His grace and if you knew how good you had it you may not open your heart to the anywhere, anytime, anything of God (of course you would, He’s worth it!).

At some point along the line, I realized social settings started to get pretty awkward for me.  I didn’t at first identify the issue, but I felt uncomfortable, awkward, insecure, and frustrated with settings where people were and quite honestly, I wasn’t being treated the way I had in my past.  Especially when there were people I didn’t know so well.  I couldn’t believe it, because before I was saved that would NEVER happen, and even shortly after living in NJ that wouldn’t be the case either.  What in the world was going on?  I would go to settings like a dinner at someone’s house or meeting another couple for the first time or a larger gathering, etc.  The people wouldn’t necessarily be people I would normally gravitate to, but still there was something more going on.  It was deeper…

In the past I would see this as an opportunity to learn about others, use my outgoing personality to interact, and make the best of it.  I started to realize, it definitely wasn’t other people that made it awkward, it was me.  Now, I don’t think people really saw this “awkwardness” I am talking about, it was mostly an internal struggle that eventually grew to a proportion that made me want to rather not hang out and try new things or old things with others, rather than hang out.  It was keeping me from living my life.  At that point I started to really assess what the heck was going on. I was frustrated.  I used to leave social gathers with Krista and be like ”that was awkward, I just wanted to get out of there,” Krista would sometimes agree with it being a bit awkward (in the normal sense of maybe not knowing someone and maybe you don’t have anything in common, so you talk about things they don’t interest you, etc) but it wasn’t an issue for her, she wasn’t wrestling as I was.  I had realized it here and there and identified my insecurity, but wasn’t sure what was causing it or if I had let something in, etc. 

So, I started to pray…I started to ask my Father what was plaguing me with these feelings.  Why I dreaded the very thing that I used to love.  Then Jesus revealed it to me…my past confidence was built on the foundation I had made for myself.  Therefore it was broken, fake in some ways, shallow and self-centered.  That false confidence that I felt was just a prop that I had built, one that won’t last.  Ouch….When I gave my life to Him, He had permission, (not to mention I begged) that He would tear down anything that exalts itself against the knowledge of Him.  Anything that is built on anything but Jesus will not last.  It’s because He loves me that He doesn’t allow me to stay as I am.  His mercy makes me great. then He started to reveal that He is rebuilding my foundation and confidence on Him…The rock that is higher than I.  While this is amazing and is the only foundation that is TRUE and will last eternity long and bring true joy, it really hurts to rebuild a foundation.  It’s also quite messy and cumbersome.  It isn’t easy work to rebuild a foundation, but it is critical to a structure to last. 

Krista and I moved into my house almost 3 years ago now and had to fix 3 walls in our foundation.  One I knew about, the other 2 were hidden behind sheet rock and a deck out back   The process was ugly, messy, hurtful, brought stress, COSTLY.  But it was either that or the house being potentially unsound and water in my basement forever. 

Similar to that natural experience, I had to trust Jesus to make it right (financially, peace and make the foundation strong again).  This temple that Jesus is building on His foundation is/was much of the same.  And that was just ONE crack so to speak.  It was a rather large one in my life, but nevertheless one crack.  Or is it?  See I am finding the father heart, when it isn’t rooted and grounded in your foundation, there are other cracks that stem from it.  It’s like an onion to use another analogy. 

Kinda like when we bought the house and knew of one wall (then discovered the rest later) I knew this was coming —you see, I quit my job in NYC about 7 years ago because Jesus told me to shortly after giving my life to Him.  He took me to YWAM Perth without outreach to Indonesia.  That time and IHOP stand as strategic fire hose filling times in the Holy Spirit.  The refreshing and changing times that go deep for a season that literally change you forever.  Times I am very grateful for Jesus leadership to dig deep foundations into me.  At YWAM, every week in the lecture phase of my DTS, we would have an application day that Friday.  It was a time to take all that you had learned, all that God was stirring in your heart to do business with Jesus.  For me, I knew no better, so I went after a heart change every week and that is by His grace exactly what I got most every week my heart was tenderized and changed.  Except for one week…the Father Heart week.  I just didn’t get it.  I grew up in a divorced family.  My father was absent.  He was a decent man and tried to be with me at times, but overall the father/son thing just didn’t work out well for us.  Sooo, going back to YWAM father heart week.  I was perplexed that NOTHING happened.  I didn’t feel a thing…Now I don’t feel things ALL THE TIME but back then I felt all the time…it was just a special season Jesus had me in…I felt that was a sign…it wasn’t time for that area back then. Again, His timing is perfect.  He knows what I can and can’t handle…He is an excellent leader.  I am glad He has ALL the information about my heart and that He is a kind, tender, compassionate, just and loving Father who guides me into His truth on His terms.  So it wasn’t time then, but when? 

I have since had many little snippets of revelation along this long process of knowing Him as Daddy.  I specifically can remember an encounter with the father’s heart for me over two-three years ago now.  One that has changed and is changing my life in a pretty big way.  It is changing the way I see myself, the way I perceive others see me and ultimately rooting me in the identity of being a good son to my Father…I have to be honest, I fall in and out of the fullness of the identity of being a son.  Being rooted in that identity is my primary strength.  it is hard to believe that God loves me the way God loves God (John 15:9).  It isn’t easy to let God tear down the fake props and loose ideals of who I am and think I should be.  The truth is, for 28 years I was laying these foundations.  It’s not an extreme home makeover job folks.  It takes time, effort, a lot of agreement, pain, perseverance and faith.  The good news is He is up for it, and therefore, so am I.  I am now finding myself in a room confident once again, but not in myself. But confident in the One who defines me, who loves me and makes me strong in Him.  I am less and less swayed by man’s opinions and looking to please and gain thier approval.  After all, I already have the most important person’s approval.  His name is Jesus.  He created me.  He has become my new audience of One.  I get tempted to fall into those lies of the past (the enemy never stops lying, fighting me) but He prevails and thus, I being His son do as well.  Like Father, like son. 

Ultimately, I am believing for the fullness.  That I would be rooted and grounded in the love of Christ, to be an unmovable tree from Ps. 1.  Have a foundation that is built on the rock that is in full obedience to my Father.  It’s a process and journey…One that compels me to see me how my Daddy sees me.  To do so I need to see believe and confess who He is.  On this revelation, what I say about Him, who I think He is and therefore, who He says I am is the foundation of which He will build His church, and me upon.

Daddy part 1

The Father heart has really been a deep place of pleasure, refuge, love, stability and joy for me in recent years.  I had an absent father growing up, but absent or fully involved-we all still need a personal tangible revelation that God is our LOVING Father that is pleased with us.  That He really delights in us and is proud to call us sons/daughters.  That He loves us for us, not based on what we can do or not do. 

Why so crucial, why so critical?  The Father is the one who loves, calls out destiny, truth and IDENTITY in His children.  The fundamental desire in every human soul is to know that we are enjoyed by our father.  Hence, we all want to hear our dad say I am proud of you son/daugther.  He encourages, disciplines and exhorts, pushes along and provides, protects and the buck stops with Abba.

There is an epidemic in the human nature to think God as Father is mostly mad or fault finding, etc.  The Father (as I recently heard a friend say) is the most misunderstood person in the whole earth.  Thus, a lot of people fear their Father, which is the exact opposite He desires.  Of course He wants us to FEAR Him in that, we love what He loves, hate what He hates (which is the very start of entering into wisdom) even to tremble at how awesome He is and marvelous in splendor.  These are healthy fears, but not to fear Him that we run from Him rather than to Him (especially in times of crisis, weakness or failure). 

So why is He so misunderstood?  It is really hard believe He loves us the way He does-in another words, we don’t know Him.  Not to mention we look around at our fathers and mothers and we don’t ALWAYS get the same feeling (our parents best still falls short of a perfect Father).  Unfortunately for the masses, we are in a fatherless generation.  But this too shall end, He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to the fathers before Jesus comes back (Mal 4:6).  Why is He so concerned about doing this?  He loves His family.  Ephesians 1 not only tells us it is His good pleasure and will to love and bring about a family, but it also goes as far as to say that this was His great plan and purpose of sending Jesus to the earth as a man.   The great sacrifice that would obtain (through Jesus’ blood sacrafice) a bride for Jesus and a family of sons and daughters for the Father.   I want to live this promise now.  I want to be a Father not only to my son Josiah, but also to others that the Father puts in my path that I would be blessed to be a Father to (disciple).  For we have many teachers, but few fathers.  I want to be a father.  Since it is my deepest heart cry to be a son to Him, it is natural in the kingdom to want to turn around and be a good father to others.  I am weak broken, but I have a very powerful Father who sits on the throne who DELIGHTS in mercy, if He is for me, who can be against me? 

We even see after Jesus comes down and makes all things right in His judgements, that after 1000 years of His ruling and reigining with the saints, He hands over the kingdom to His Father.  We can see that while all things are made right or righteious, not all is complete.  The Father still hasn’t since the garden of Eden been able to dwell with the one’s He loves as much as His son.  After this time period called the millennium, Jesus hands over the kingdom to His Father, Heaven literally comes on earth with a supernational dimension.  Finally, AT LAST, the Father gets, the fullness of what He always wanted.  Why He sent His son.  For you and me, His family together as ONE at last.  Who can fathom a Father so awesome. So vast, so powerful, so fearful, so great, yet so intimate, so loving, so jealous for His sons/daughters. 

I can hear the lies of the enemy being echoed in the minds of the saints, “I mean ok, Jesus came down died for us, but didn’t He have to?  I mean now that we are saved, it doesn’t mean He’s happy with us.  He is probably like, I gave my one and only son for you, can you just get it right now?  What is taking you so long.  RIGHT?  Couldn’t be more father from the truth actually.  You see Ephesians 1 tells us that He desires a family.  It was His good pleasure, His good desire/will to have us as sons and daughters.  It’s not a chore, we are not a burden.  He is so kind with us.  He forgives us over and over.  Do we know our daddy for real? Not in our head, but does the word, when this love is highlighted come ALIVE in our hearts awakening us to this experience of His love?   Does it change the way we relate to Him when we have fallen?  When we think we have it all together.  Do we feel His love?  Do storms of accusation from man or approval or circumstances of life shake us, or are we rooted and grounded in this love….UNSHAKABLE, UNMOVEABLE in this love.  Does this perfect love (of the Father) literally cast out every and all fear from our lives?

If not fully, how can we understand Him, to know this love?  Jesus.  Jesus is the exact representation of the Father.  Whatever Jesus did on earth as a man is the exact representation of how the Father would live and relate with us.   He only did what He saw His Father doing.   It has struck me lately, reading the gospel where I see Jesus say something, do something, react a certain way…The Father would do the EXACT same thing.  God is one. 

Jesus said “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you”  If Jesus loves us the way the Father loves us, then we can conclude that the Father loves us the same way, because God is One.  The Father loves us with a love that cannot be improved upon.  It is the same love He has for His son, He loves us.  It cannot be changed.  NOTHING we can do or not do can EVER change this love.  With THIS living understanding in our heart, NOTHING can touch us.  We are confident sons of the kingdom.  If He be for us, who can be against us.  Nothing in heaven or hell or on earth can keep us from this love of God.

Just one touch of my Daddy’s love sets me.  Anchors me and picks my head up to say with confidence “I am loved by God and I am a lover”  and “Father I KNOW that you love me-you’ll never leave, you delight in me, you ENJOY me” Not just saying these phrases which I do and many others, but actually having living understanding to believe them for reals.  It is a revelation that once I have tasted I can never go back, nor can I live without EVER.  It is where performance and religion go out the window.  It is my place of true rest in my Daddy’s lap as He wispers sweet truth in my spirit by His spirit.  In this place I am His favorite, His beloved son.  I love my Father.

I want to stand where He stands

It is becoming more and more evident that standing for truth is and will be more challenging as time goes on.  There is a false religion going out throughout the world that is one of tolerance, compromise and all roads lead to the same path.  I looks like humanism on steroids.  At the core of this human sentiment movement is the ideology that man is right which implies that God is wrong.  Truth is relative and anyone who claims to know truth, gets persecuted.  Not all that practice these beliefs in their hearts would say it, but hatred for Jesus is central to this way of life.  False peace is a major goal. Tolerance is how to live.  Compromise (morally) is the way to get there.  It is in the world, but sadly it has crept into the church with great force as well. 

It tries to dismantle the bible as wholly true.  It attempts to stand over the bible and judge it (the irony is that the Word is truly the only judge always standing over them).  It makes Christians and those who don’t believe question if the bible really is completely, wholly, true and undisputable, over human kind and every created order. SUPREME.

 Therefore, because truth is “RELATIVE” so is everything pertaining to their life.  It’s a scary place to be as this is the religion of choice that the Antichrist will use before he demands people worship him as god.  It’s even scarier as it is on the opposite side of Jesus who is Truth.  This false religion goes by the name harlot Babylon in the bible.  It affects all spheres of society.  We can already see it solidified in much of the world today. 

 Jesus said I am the Way, THE TRUTH and the life.  In the gospel of John, he says time and time again, “I tell you the truth.” With Him there can and is NO lie.  There  is no relative-ness about a MAN who IS TRUTH.  What is truth?  It is a Jewish man from Nazareth. 

In order to stand where He stands (in truth), we have to know Him more.  To learn truth is to learn Jesus.  To study His life, His emotions, His heart.  We do this by fellowshipping/talking to the Holy Spirit and reading the Bible. Then the truth will not only be in word, but in deed in our lives.  You can be sure that a person (it can happen to any of us) who is out of truth, has not been reading their bible while talking to Holy Spirit about it.  Our propensity if we are honest about it, is to run from truth.  Our propensity is to not read the bible and take the time to talk to Holy Spirit.  It’s so simple, yet very laborious at the same time.  Yet, it’s the primary thing that is needed in our lives.  It is the primary thing needed in this age where , satan, the father of all lies is deceiving many.  Before He comes back there will be a great falling away as many hearts will believe lies over the truth.  Following satan to his demise. 

In this and that hour, I want to be standing where He stands…In the truth.  No matter how hard it gets, as many humans even in the faith attack me for standing where He stands, by His grace I will stand.  I want to be for Him, not against Him.  I don’t want to be swept away in delusion.  I desire to be with Him where He is.  This truth preserves us.  If we choose to align our hearts with His, to agree with His heart.  No matter how different it is from what people believe, say and even if our own heart says differently.  He desires truth in the inward parts, that no lie would be in us.  Lord help us to be in the truth, to stand with YOU and only you now and forever.  Give your church a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of you Jesus.  Help us to understand truth.  Teach us your ways O Lord.  We want to stand with you in loyalty, till the end.  We pledge our allegiance to you Jesus forevermore.  Amen!

What do you hope in?

Late last year I was reminded of something that I have read in scripture before and actually was confused by it.  You know those scriptures that looking back the Holy Spirit was probably saying “Do you want to go deeper?” but you skim over, because you don’t want to spend the time or it’s just plain easier to ignore, or worse you continue to check boxes to get your “bible reading/study” done?  The scriptures that were brought to my attention were the one’s where Paul and others write to us to be encouraged and to be hopeful in Jesus second coming -one example being 1 Thess 4:16-18 .  In my immaturity, that never really rang true in my heart.  Sure, I have hope that I am going to be with Jesus forever at the end.  I am excited to have no sin, no pain, no temptation, no tears.  A world where Jesus is KING, He rules and reigns government, politics, life, society, ALL.   But I would say there is room in my heart for that which causes me to mourn and groan for His return in a way that I have not touched.  I would say it has been more of a far off theology that I agreed with and if I got to thinking/meditating about it, I could get excited and pray it back to Jesus here and there, but not a present reality that affects my spirit in a daily walk to the way the Spirit has been inviting me into.

 As I examine these scriptures more closely. I started to receive revelation that I realized was going to be vital in my walk with Jesus.   Quickened to my spirit was my need to understand the fullness of my hope NEEDS to be rooted in the reality that Jesus, my Bridegroom will, at the trumpet sound, split the sky and make all things right.  That He will, in the twinkling of an eye (1cor 15) catch me up with Him and I will be like Him.  All wrong things will be made right, the thing that I am holding all my hope in will finally become sight (not any more real or true, just seen).   This has got to be my reality.  Why? 

 Many reasons come to mind to answer this, but since I lack the fullness of the revelation I am seeking, I will start by saying it’s our blessed hope.  The assurance of what will be without any doubt.  It is an anchor in times of shaking/tribulation and hardship.  A tangible event we can look to and be EXPECTANT upon for the finalization of our salvation.  It will root us in the reality that this life is short and eternity is just around the corner.  It will take us from head to heart, temporary to eternity, broken world to righteousness and all the things we long for.  It will scripturally encourage us to run this race and press on through tribulation to live righteously because we know that day approaches. 

So not only am I looking to this hope of His coming for long-term, but  as a means to anchor me in my daily circumstances.  While I contend (meaning I truly have faith for, believe and even expect) certain things to happen.  Sometimes there is a God given (mystery) of a delay.  This can pose a place of hope to be deferred.  It can cause a place of hurt and pain from God’s perceived rejection, and disappointment can set in.  Ultimately discouragement and depression, etc. can take root.  This can take me out from the pressing into God’s full heart and even the reality of who He is.  It’s these lies that can keep you from the fullness that Jesus has for us in the now and in the future.  The point is, if I am rooted and encouraged by the reality of His second coming, the delay, the areas of struggle, etc don’t define me.  My circumstances don’t dominate or usurp my hope.  This hope regardless of circumstance and timing is SURE.  In fact, the way of the kingdom according to Romans 5 (and others like James) is that when pressures of life come, if we persevere (stay in agreement with Him), we will have true mature godly character (that lasts and changes the way we live daily) built which gives us certain hope in our inner man.  We will NOT be disappointed in this hope that brings the certainty of the fullness of the glory of God-this can carry us through daily knowing that our little steps of obedience, our weak yes, really matters and is doing something in this age before God.  It is a great purification process if we agree with the One purifying us through our circumstances.  The hope is sure, it becomes who we are and how we relate to Him.  Things we can’t see are way more real than what is seen (a current circumstance).  We become hopeful.  I desire this kind of hope, true hope that is certain, that is sure.  He is coming, this I can hope in, this can carry my spirit through.  His rewards are with Him   My sould faints for His salvation, but I hope in His word (Ps. 119:81).

My Healer

I  have been challenged yet again in my short journey with Jesus about Him being healer, specifically my healer.  It is widely known that faith seems to abound a bit more for others healing, but when it comes to our own, it seems more activation needs to take place.  I am currently trusting for healing, but it is something I need to continually realign my heart with His heart.

Let me start at the beginning of my healing journey (an abbreviated version).  I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when I was a couple months old.  This genetic disease kills everyone who has it as it as it is a chronic disease w/o any cure.  I have been blessed to have a lesser strand that most.  While there are people with even greater health in this disease than me, my Dr’s and me have always been amazed at how well my lungs/body has done while a disease is literally trying to kill it ever day (sorry to sound morbid, but true).  I didn’t die early on or get hospitalized or lung transplants from this disease as many have to.  Instead I grew up playing sports like crazy, even played lacrosse in college and lifeguard-ed which really helped.  Exercise was definitely God’s grace to help fend off this disease in my life.  I actually lived a very normal life with regards to my health.  So much that, besides those closest to me (mostly family) no one knew I had it.

No one knew, because I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I mean why reveal this weakness if no one could really tell? Another reason was fear that they wouldn’t accept me or want to get close to me, etc.  I had shame about having this disease because I believed somehow it was my fault or it was ME Bart Farrell that there was something wrong with.  I mostly kept these struggles to myself, although they were  visible to my family.  I was in prison about this but didn’t even know.  My body was doing miraculously well but my soul was bound.

Fast forward to 6 years ago this past week when I became a Christian.  I remember getting the revelation that this disease is NOT me and NOT who I am.  I came the biblical conclusion that Jesus didn’t give me this disease to make me a better person (although He has certainly used it for good in my life because I love Him (Rom 8:28).  So therefore the truth set me free and I was delivered from shame that told me it was MINE and I had to own it.  This was a huge moment in my walk.  It was a beautiful thing and so liberating to TELL people I had CF.  Knowing that my Father in heaven was on my side and had promises for my deliverance.  That CF isn’t part of my identity in the Spirit.  I still love to tell people!  He freed me from shame, renewed my mind and gave me hope.  This is my testimony.

But He didn’t stop there.  It would be hard for me to read the bible, read of Jesus when he walked the face of the earth healing all diseases of all the people that came to Him on multiple accounts and not believe that He desires to and Will heal me.  After all He is the one who forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases (Ps. 103:3).  This is my hope.  He had to align my heart with His character and nature.  I truly believe with all my heart Jesus desires to heal me (and everyone with sickness, pain, disease for that matter) and actually have faith that He will heal me.  This is ALL that I can personally see scripturally ( I am aware of how some could argue this, but to be humbly honest, I am passed that argument).  The big struggle for me apart from continuing to believe and not give way to unbelief in this area is the timing.

Herein lies my struggle.    I was very zealous when I first got saved (I and Jesus loved it!) I desire some of it back to be honest.   After many times of people praying for me after a few years, I started to build up a backup plan or safety mechanism, if you will, in my healing process.  I used to think ok, if not now right now, then down the road.  I got into my head this fantasy of me on my death bed, with my wife Krista by my side and then as I was almost at my last breath, Jesus would break in and heal me miraculously.  You see anyone who receives prayer once and isn’t healed or many times with a chronic disease for example, has some choices to make.  Is Jesus who He said He was, is the Bible true and do you believe it still.  We don’t think of it this way, but ultimately these truths are what is being challenged.  It’s in the beautiful process of waiting/delay that real faith is built.  It’s the place that I am called to res-sign up and put my vulnerable heart before Him again trusting He is a good and faithful leader.  He is!  This is an opportunity to have character be built.  True loyalty fashioned.

But I do believe there is a dimension to faith being NOW.  In my immature experience, Jesus showed me that faith for my healing has to rest in the NOW believing.  The evidence of things not seen, the substance of things hoped for in the future, I must have it now, not then.  I remember a really good friend of mine was visiting me and my wife in Kansas City 2-3 years ago.  She was really touched by Holy Spirit as she prayed for me with tears and fervor.  As she prayed I saw my picture of me on my death bed in the hospital getting healed.  It was on a black backdrop like a picture on film strip which looked like a timeline (this picture being at the end).  I then saw this picture being cut off and falling into the deep black abyss.  At the same time I heard Holy Spirit speak to me and say now what?  Holy Spirit was asking me, Bart, this backup plan (that you didn’t know was a defense mechanism isn’t going to come to pass, NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE?)  I realized this backup plan I had fashioned in my mind (scary) wasn’t real and would not come to pass.  I was stunned.  I realized in that moment, I had unbelief.  I also realized Jesus wanted to heal me sooner than my deathbed.  This was great and terrifying at the same time.  Great, because, who wants to be on their deathbed writhed with pain?  Terrible, because  I also realized it was REALLY hard to believe for the now every time someone prays for me.  That NOW is the day of healing.  It has been a constant struggle since that day.  Jesus was gracious to reveal my heart as He always is, because He wants me with Him where He is with a renewed mind believing/seeing what He believes/sees.

After coming to Kansas City, I joined the healing rooms at International House of Prayer.  I felt Jesus tell me to go for it and I wanted to be trained in laying hands to see His release of power as well.  Also, what better place to exercise the now faith for my own healing.  After about 2 years of ministering and later managing healing rooms, I became solidified in my beliefs that He had already shown me, how much healing is truly all about Him and  how immature my faith really is (pleasing to Him, because I had it (Heb 11:176), yet immature).  I saw many healed, some not and some get slightly better.  Jesus heals two ways scripturally, instantly (creative miracle) and progressively over time.  So why don’t some get healed when we pray has been a bit of a struggle for me when doing the praying and for obvious reasons when I am being prayed for.  My ONLY conclusion (other than when Jesus makes it extremely clear otherwise) and I believe it to be the only biblically one is WE DON’T KNOW why.  Sometimes the best answers to our questions lies in the unknown, submitting that He is God and we are not.  I have found that there is great rest and peace in this truth.  This leads to submission and maturity.  I love it (not the process so much but the way my heart changes as I give into His leadership).  Trust is the sweet fragrance and patient endurance is the fruit in this place (James 1).

That being said, I cannot make a conclusion that I won’t be healed.  Why?  It’s not in the bible.  I mean many don’t get healed, but when it comes to Jesus, His heart, His desire and His truth, and the promise that He did it already.  I have no option to believe that I might not get healed.  I believe it would make Jesus a liar.  Mind you I know many Christians that have believed for healing and haven’t been healed or even have died of cancer, etc.  We have prayed for them time and time again in the healing rooms.  But I don’t believe this reality gives us permission to ascribe to it.  I believe faith in it’s very nature calls us higher to take Jesus at His word-this is faith’s only standard.  It is a risk that I am willing to take before the judgment seat.  To tell Jesus I desired to believe only what He revealed in His nature/character and that was stronger/more real than what I see on earth, even my own circumstance.  I believe this mind, will be very welcome in the kingdom, the very place those thoughts/realties were born.

So here I am today, trusting for healing.  I have to constantly be on guard.  Asking for a continued renewed mind.  Asking that I don’t get callused in my heart in the place of waiting.  Asking for deception to be broken and assumption to go, for faith to be renewed.  Most of all to KNOW my Jesus, my healer.  Believing that I bring pleasure to His heart because I choose to believe Him and fight for the breakthrough.  Trusting that He will uphold me because His desire for my healing and deliverance is far greater than mine.  He is my sympathetic High Priest.  I  continue to mediate on His suffering on the cross.  How that act of a human being who also happened to be fully God, paid the way for my healing.  His blood that was shed for me was enough for all my sin, sickness, disease and even death. His blood and the Sprit in me even makes it possible to have true Joy in the midst of suffering.  It’s to Him I look and continue to lean on while my body is being attacked by this disease.  He is my just one,  He has more power than anyone, there is none like Him.  He is the God of miracles, compassion, truth, justice and love.  Most of all He is my Bridegroom, my best friend, my Father, all in all.  His name is Jesus.  He is and will always be…my healer.

me a blogger? naaa

OK, so how many people start a blog saying something like they thought they would never do one?  Maybe some, maybe none, not sure.  Either way I personally never fathomed it.  Never fathomed Facebook either, but caved in there too.

This endeavor however, is different…Jesus spoke a word to me about writing, that I would be a writer.  Mind you,  to what extent and for what exact purpose, I am not exaclty sure (I have some ideas, but we will see).  Honestly I don’t care too much about that right now. I am more concerned with fulfilling my RSVP from Jesus.

I believe prophetic words are invitations.  In other words, when you receive a word, after believing it and praying into it, the response doesn’t look like doing nothing about it.  It actually needs to be acted upon.  Why?  For the simple fact that we can’t do His part and He won’t do our part.  He is all about partnership with His family members.  In the case of a prophetic word, He desires that we walk into the word, position our hearts in faith to get there (always by His grace, we can’t do anything to achieve it but) we need to say YES and then choose to live as if it is going to be so.  Not waiting around until it miraculously falls into our lap.  Apart from the sheer and abundant mercy of Jesus, we can and will miss these words, these dreams in His heart/our hearts from happening by just waiting with these words “on the shelf.”  The good news is that words that have been on the shelf for a long time can be taken off and activated.  He is full of mercy and doesn’t revoke his gifts and callings.

So, with that premise as my backdrop.  I am starting this amateur blog as an attempt to do my part to RSVP YES to Jesus dream for me to write for Him.  So what shall I write about?  NO CLUE! but I am going to start with random things that are on my heart and go from there.

To Him be the glory, here goes…